2010-06-10

Life is a test, right?

Do you ever feel like you're drowning?

You hear about drowning in water.

Drowning in debt.

Drowning in alcohol.

Drowning in sadness.

Look it up on google...there tons of opportunities and ways to "drown".

It's so cliche to say it but that's how I feel today. I feel like I'm drowning in life.

Mentally, physically, emotionally-I'm just exhausted.

I'm glad that school is over. I'm glad that soccer is over (even though now baseball for Zachary has started.) I'm glad that this weekend is Gizzard Fest where I'm having a Pure Romance booth because that means that the planning and prepping for it will be done.

I need a mental health day from work. Problem is I just don't have the time to take it...seems like everyone else's needs come before mine. I guess that's what being a mom is all about, right? I know that there are people in my life who feel that I don't do enough. I'm not home enough. I'm not motherly enough. I'm just not....enough of anything.

That weighs heavily on me too. Because as a mom and wife and daughter and friend and consultant and a human, I want to be. But I feel like I'm burning both ends of the candle and in doing so am not good enough at anything.

Shoot, my brain is like swiss cheese!!! Last night I forgot the simplest task of getting garbage bags from the store. The day before? Forgot about the retirement party for the kids' principal. The day before that? Forgot to give the dog medicine for his skin allergies. Do you see a pattern? The list goes on.....day after day I don't seem to have the time to get it all done, the energy to do it nor the memory to be able to remember all the minor things that I need to take care of. And then I feel like a failure for not being able to accomplish the deeds that I *should* be doing and need to be doing.

And to think...."experts" keep saying to take time for yourself. I read the articles and I think "when?" There's always one more load of laundry to do. One more phone call to make or email to send. One more contact to make in order to work my business. I can't even think straight let alone try to schedule in time for me. I used to find the morning shower as "me" time where I would think and contemplate....and lately all I can do in the shower is run through all the things that I have to do that day...in between yelling asking the kids to keep it down so their sister can sleep in.

Last weekend (pics have to be uploaded) the kids ran the Michigan Mile. Zachary wasn't happy with his time and wants to improve. I told him that I think it's wonderful and I'd love to help him towards that goal as I need to get more fit and active too. So we're going to train together and I'll work on the Couch to 5k program. Problem is.......when?
So, as a working mom, how do you fit everything into a 24 hour period and still keep your sanity and the days straight and all the bills paid on time and the kids and husband happy? Then how do you fit in YOU time? I'm interested in possibilities because I'm obviously not there....

Until tomorrow-Keep on buzzing,

Lisa

3 comments:

Hannah said...

It's certainly hard to juggle everything when you're a mother! Being a working mum is hard because you just don't have as much "spare time". I know I don't always achieve that balance, but I try really hard to be organised, make lists and cross things off, use my diary, and schedule time for myself. I book it in. Girly weekends, scrapbooking nights with friends, etc. If I write it on my calendar, it WILL happen. Usually I feel like I'm keeping afloat, but only just!! And sometimes my head slips under, but my hubby or a friend will pull me back up again. I tend to know when things are bad ... like no dinner is ready when Rob gets home, so we have to get take out. But that happens rarely, which is why I chose to lose the guilt. I used to feel awful about those kind of days. But now I don't. I know I work hard and I'm busy and I keep track of everybody's schedules and my own schedule and work deadlines and other commitments. So if dinner isn't cooked sometimes, it's not going to matter. Letting go of the guilt was quite a big one for me. Housework doesn't get done often enough, but I DO get my "me time". Otherwise, I'm not fun to be around! Even just an hour to myself to read a book in the bath. That will refresh me enough to carry on. But boy, I know it's hard! Hang in there! xx

Tiffany said...

For me, when I'm overwhelmed by all the stuff, I simplify. You don't HAVE to do everything. Pick the things that need to be done and a few others you would like and then go from there. We make ourselves crazy trying to do everything and be everywhere. It's hard to cut things out but in the long run it makes for a better, more enjoyable life.
Obviously this is just my opinion :) Hope things get better!

vanilla north said...

l can totally identify with you; and on top, l am a single mom.. so not easy...
Spared time is an unknown concept to me, but still, l manage one minute her and one there to unplug... and take looong baths..

 

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